Everyone talks about the violation of personal boundaries. Every public personality has mentioned them at least once in their lives in the midst of a war with their subscribers, when someone who was not asked started teaching about life in an ultimatum form. Here’s why you need to stop serving as an advisor to someone else’s life.
“Archetypes” of Counselors
Absolutely every phenomenon on planet Earth has a logical explanation. And so does unsolicited advice. The most common, according to psychologists, are a lack of attention, a desire to earn love, increased anxiety and the presence of their own similar problems.
And this allows us to divide the “advisers” into peculiar archetypes. The first is the “attention seeker”. These people have only one goal: to get their moment of fame, directing the spotlight on themselves. They are not fundamentally important to give advice, they are important to be in the spotlight, breaking someone else’s boundaries. And here it is necessary to understand: why a person has such a need to impose their position on others.
The second kind of support group representatives are the “experienced” ones. This “archetype” is especially common among moms, who know exactly when you need to take your baby away from the pacifier and what time he has to go. “That’s how good I am,” is their main concern. They don’t want to help you. Their goal is to emphasize their superiority.
The third “archetype” is “anxious.” Such people are driven by a thirst for total control. They need to keep their hand on the pulse, without missing a single detail. Even while doing something simple, like football betting, you need to control everything. Pathological feeling of fear is not the norm – something must be done about it, too!
And the last type is the “parent”. In this case, the task of the opponent is to put you in the position of a child, emphasizing his “parental” authority and depriving the person of the opportunity to make his own choice. We all periodically play the role of “parent” or “adult,” forgetting to step out of it. That’s not the norm, but a reason to wonder why you’re stuck there.
The Naked Truth
Now onto why unsolicited advice is so annoying to those around you. According to the survey, only 5% of 100% will be happy with your “authoritative” opinion, 30% will let it pass their ears, and 65% will get very angry.
Here’s the rule of happy living: don’t talk when you’re not asked. And it really works. Agree, no one likes it when someone brazenly not even crosses, but jumps over his boundaries, trying to clean up someone else’s “vegetable garden.
We are all different, everyone chooses what to wear, how long to breastfeed the baby and what length skirt to choose at 55. By the way, many give light from absolutely altruistic motives, afraid to seem inattentive to other people’s problems. Silence is not always a story of indifference. When advice is needed, you will definitely be asked. The inner permission to keep it to yourself is a great luxury that you simply must allow yourself.
How to Learn to Slow Down in Time
And now some simple advice on how to hit the “stop” in time.
Do you respect your personal space and react negatively to those who violate it? Others do too! Always keep this information in mind when you want to demonstrate authority. It works!
The next important point is to give people the opportunity to go their own way by making their own mistakes. Alas, there is no general script for living a long and happy life. Accumulate energy for yourself, rather than broadcasting it to those around you.
And lastly, find a reason why it is so important for you to give advice and be right. This is the surest key to solving the problem. Allow yourself to be yourself. Allow others to be different.